Power of the Pause: Mindfulness in Action
Have you ever said something in a moment of reactivity that you regretted? Sent that email and later wish you might have sat on it for one more day? Become hyper focused on a situation and are feeling stuck, not knowing what steps to take next?
Pausing can be a powerful tool for connecting with yourself and others. By taking a moment to slow down and reflect, you can cultivate greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of those around you. Taking a break and breathing deeply can allow yourself the space to connect with your mind, body, and spirit, allows you to break the cycle of habitual or emotional reactivity and move forward with consciousness and choice.
The power of the pause is effective in just about every aspect of your life. In relationships, the workplace, pausing from social media, when faced with a decision, when feeling emotional or overwhelmed, and when needing to respond to your children, really the list goes on!
By stepping back from the situation and taking a deep breath, you can gain a new perspective and approach the issue with a clearer mind. This allows an opportunity to check in with yourself and inquire how you are feeling and how you would like to respond in a skillful way. This can help you communicate more effectively with your partner, family member, or friend, and foster a stronger and more positive relationship.
The most difficult part of pausing is remembering to do so in the moment and slowing your system down once it is activated. Here are a few supports in taking a pause:
Remembering Practice:
Set an intention each day and use a reminder. To start this could be a scheduled pause where you can take a few moments to take 3 deep breaths and check in with yourself. Use your reminder app or schedule an alarm on your phone to support the practice.
You can choose an activity that you would like to pair with a pause. Before you enter a new room. Before you respond to a text message. Once you put your seatbelt on when you get in the car. Start with a time or activity that you often find yourself activated and practice a pause.
Somatic (Body) Awareness:
The next time you find yourself feeling activated, notice cues in your body. Your body is constantly communicating with you and holds tremendous wisdom. When you start to feel reactive or experience emotional discomfort, check in with your body. It can often feel like a 0-100 experience in a second, yet there is a process happening in your body, and you can slow it down!
Notice: Is your face feeling flush, do you experience a tightening of your fist, trembly hands, shifting from one foot to the other? If you can notice these familiar cues, this your invitation to pause. Take a deep breath, or maybe 3! Ask yourself, what do I need in this moment? How do I want to react? Naming your experience can be helpful, “I am noticing I am becoming reactive, let me take a break,” perhaps you need to take a step away?
Once you start listening to your body and have awareness of the need to slow down, you create a powerful shift from reactivity and a feeling of loss of control, to an embodied experience that allows you to move forward with self-efficacy and personal agency.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) STOP Skill:
S: Stop- “Do not just react. Stop! Freeze! Do not move a muscle! Your emotions may try to make you act without thinking. Stay in control! “
T: Take a step back- “Take a step back from the situation. Take a break. Let go. Take a deep breath. Do not let your feelings make you act impulsively. “
O: Observe – “Notice what is going on inside and outside you. What is the situation? What are your thoughts and feelings? What are others saying or doing?”
P: Proceed Mindfully- “Act with awareness. In deciding what to do, consider your thoughts and feelings, the situation, and other people’s thoughts and feelings. Think about your goals. Ask Wise Mind: Which actions will make it better or worse?”
Here are some tips for taking a pause:
1. Find a quiet space where you can be alone for a few moments.
2. Take a deep breath, inhaling slowly through your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth.
3. Try to focus on your breath and clear your mind of any distracting thoughts.
4. If you need to, repeat a calming phrase to yourself, such as "In this moment, I am ok," or “Grant yourself Grace," or “The present is the only moment over which I have control.” You can create a phrase that speaks to you.
5. When you feel ready, return to the situation with a fresh perspective and a clear mind.
Try my 5-minute Pause, Relax, Open meditation here!
Scroll to the video at the bottom of the page where it says: “Let’s Practice.”
Taking a pause is a simple and powerful tool that can be a sign of strength and self-awareness. Do any of these practices speak to you? The next time you find yourself in a challenging or stressful situation, try one of them out and practice taking a pause before moving forward.
